Tips on Finding the Right Partner
I’m no dating expert, but have learned from my mistakes and how to make better decisions.
My best friend once told me to make a list of all the traits I wanted my partner to have. Then she said, don’t settle for anyone unless they can fulfill your list. You may find that you compromise on a few items, but you should not falter on your whole entire list.
If you know what you want, then you know what to look for. But on the flip-side, you must also know what you don’t want which will inadvertently help you avoid negativity and find what you do want.
When you compile that list, it’s important to look at yourself to see if you share those same qualities. Are you in shape, attractive and carry yourself in a decent manner? Are you faithful, kind, honest, considerate, intrinsically happy, and content with yourself? If you do not match the traits on the list you wrote, then don’t expect someone to deal with you either. A wise man once told me, you must be the partner you are seeking. That is the law of attraction working at its finest.
You must also learn to distinguish wants from tolerances and boundaries and establish them. You may want someone with a Ferrari, but it’s okay to settle with someone who drives a reliable Honda especially if you don’t own a Ferrari yourself. What’s not okay is if you want someone who puts you first and instead they are a controlling narcissist and puts their wants before your needs. You may want someone without children, but find you can tolerate one or two. Things like smoking, gambling, sexual lifestyle and addictions are things that you should definitely reconsider if you cannot tolerate them and they cross your boundaries.
It will be difficult finding a partner without a solid foundation. You may not do it in the same facet, but you must know thyself. It was only when I adhered to my standards that I found my husband. Quite frankly, if I continued to mess with boo boo the fool, I would have passed right over my husband telling him I was involved with someone crazy. I also had to do a lot of internal work and learn what makes me happy, productive and accomplished. When you date people outside of your standards, you miss opportunities with people who are perfect for you. You have to learn when to let go and when to move forward with your current situation.
It’s okay to be true to yourself no matter how much someone may like you or find you attractive. If they are not in alignment with your list, simply put, they need to go. If they negatively impact your boundaries and tolerances, they should have never had a chance with you anyway. Too often we see all the yellow and red flags on the playing field and keep skipping along anyway. Stop that. Don’t allow yourself to get emotionally and sexually involved with anyone until they check off on your list. That’s how you find a partner. Just make sure you’re the best version of yourself to attract the best person for you. Never settle for less, you’re worth it.