Men and their Emotions

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Dear Men.  Women do not expect you to have the same emotional capacity as we do, we just expect you to understand.  It’s kind of like death.  You don’t have to feel the same way as those in mourning, but you can sympathize with them and understand how they must feel.

By nature and the way our hormones are setup, women can be emotional beings.  Women feel and see things whereas most men only see things for what they are.  It’s not wrong to be an emotional person as long as emotions are displayed in a healthy manner.  Women do have to be careful with their emotions because they are not tactile, only feelings.  But that does not take away the fact that you were impacted by an event that triggered the way you feel.

Most women just want their feelings to be taken into consideration.  There’s something powerful about someone agreeing with you even if they don’t understand.  You can agree that childbirth is painful even if you never experienced it.  Let’s say a man didn’t include his wife in a pivotal decision.  She may feel upset because she was left out and because of the decision that was made.  How she feels about the conclusion does not take away the fact that she was excluded from the decision-making process.  A man may have decided that it was not necessary for her to be part of the decision and move on from there without acknowledging the woman’s feelings.  That is usually how arguments occur because both sides do not respect each other’s opinions and feelings.  The man thinks she is overreacting and the woman feels like the man is brushing her off.  This whole incident boils down to effective communication and expectations.

We cannot assume that anyone understands what we do and how we feel so we must speak up.  Even if the man genuinely did not mean to hurt her feelings, he needs to accept the fact that he hurt her feelings.  The woman needs to accept the fact that it was not intentional and therefore remove herself from the ill feelings and focus on the problem; communication.  Then they both need to agree that in the future, they will discuss all decisions together and determine if it is independent of one another.

Even though emotions are psychological and intangible, does not mean they do not impact your mood.  It is each partners responsibility to understand each other’s emotional intelligence and sensitivity to their emotions.  You must learn to treat your partner the way they need to be treated and not how you like to be treated.

Women also want to understand how their man feels.  It’s okay to tell us you are scared about a decision or nervous with what’s going on at work or scared about the direction your relationship is headed  No one should attack you or make you feel effeminate because you shared how you feel.  Quite frankly, most of us are ecstatic to know because it helps us learn how to treat you.  You can’t change what you don’t know.  It’s also okay to tell us that we hurt your feelings or embarrassed you or did not properly represent you out in public.  Tell a woman how you feel and you’ll be shocked at how much she understands.

But too often people confuse emotions with being affectionate.  Those are two separate entities.  Showing how you feel is internal and depends on one’s own psyche.  Showing affection is your outward expression of how you feel about someone else.  A lot of women tell their man they want them to be more emotional when they really mean they want them to be more affectionate and vice versa, so the wrong signals are sent.  But this brings up two new points.  For one, people have to decide if someone is right for them based on their emotional and affectionate states.  If you are overly sensitive to your emotions, you need to make sure you are dating someone who is receptive to that.  If you find that someone is extremely unemotional and it’s a deal breaker for you, then move on before it gets too serious.  Two, if you require affection, you need to find someone who displays that.  These two ideas are not just givens in relationships; it’s part of someone’s personality that make them who they are.  It’s equally as important to be emotionally in tune with each other as communication and chemistry.  These are definitely things that each person should understand before developing a relationship.

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