The Adopted Child
I think everyone has this fairytale view of adoption. A child is abandoned or neglected by their biological parents and the adopted parents are the saviors of that child. Although many times those adopted parents are the saving grace for that child, it’s not always as pretty of a picture for the adopted child as society would lead us to believe.
Depending upon the age the child was adopted can dictate how well they take their adoption. Some children who were adopted at birth never question their birth parents or don’t even care to know who their birth parents are. But there are children who don’t feel like they ever quite fit in and question everything regardless of what age they were adopted. The older the child, the more they understand. And if they were anything like me, I got adopted at the age of 14, then they knew exactly who their birth parents were. I’m not sure when or if a parent should let their adopted child know they were adopted, but I feel like a piece of them may be lost forever if they don’t know. I think that regardless of whether the child wants to know or not, the adopted parents should keep thorough health and medical records along with pictures and stories just in case their child wants to understand who they are. And no, I don’t care if the birth parents don’t want them to know or to be contacted because unfortunately it is not just all about them.
I have witnessed both sides of the spectrum. Those who like to live in the unknown and accept their new families as blood and bond and those who live as strangers in their own home. Not all adopted parents are sweet as pie either. Sometimes there is a struggle trying to get along with your new family and siblings. Their behaviors and actions don’t quite align with your own so you start to question if you really ever fit in. Those who have these feelings really lose it when they find out they were adopted. They feel deceived and lied to about their entire lives. As an adopted child myself, I was missing a big part of my past that made me who I am. I have been searching for something my entire life and never really felt like I fit in with anyone no matter how many foster families and adopted parents stepped in to love me. And yes I love them all and thank them for raising me, but they have to understand just like I do.
And that’s just the thing. People expect adopted children to just be full of grace and mercy for being adopted when the truth is none of them asked for it or may have even wanted it. Some long to understand who they got their features from, why they behave the way they do and why they think like they do. When your adopted family cannot answer those questions, you begin to question and seek the truth. It’s not like you don’t love or care for your families that have spent their lifetime caring for you, there’s just a blood bond that is missing and often times it is difficult to explain.
There is something incredibly special about a mother’s bond. It is a bond that only that mother and child can share and cannot be replaced. It is unconditional. If a child was young enough to bond with their adopted mother, then they share that bond with their new parents and probably never question the relationship. But for those like myself, it’s not the case. You wonder why you don’t click with everyone and you question the idea of family. You almost don’t know who you are.
For those who are told early on that they are adopted, it can still disrupt their lives. It can be a very painful experience to know that your parents were strung out crack addicts who had no business having children in the first place and left you up for adoption. Or that two teenagers in love decided that having a child was not best for them so they gave you up for adoption. It stings to know that you were the left out child, the unwanted child, the problem child. Everyone is always so focused on how the parents feel and what’s best for them and forget that their actions can literally destroy a child’s life. Some children never get over it and I feel very sorry for them. Some of them go on to live a life just like their biological parents and don’t even know why. Because we are composed of nature and nurture and just because you don’t live with someone or even know them doesn’t mean that you don’t carry out their hereditary traits.
I have just seen too many poor children self destruct after learning they were adopted. Longing to know who they are and where they came from and why. And don’t get me wrong, there is a very beautiful side of adoption that a child was chosen to receive a better life. I’m sure there are millions of testimonies of those children who thank God daily that their adopted parents saved them from abusive homes and neglectful situations. The point of this blog is to show the other dark side of adoption.
I want to point out why people need to be extremely careful when they decide to lay down and have an orgasm and produce children. God said children are a reflection of their parents and so many poor souls have negative reflections when they look in the mirror. I blame society’s need to separate families and not sufficiently assist those who are going through hard times. And for those who didn’t want a child, they shouldn’t even be allowed to have another child. Don’t have sex if you don’t want children. Get yourself medically fixed so that you can stop the chances of having children. It just irritates me that people have to go through their whole lives feeling like an unwanted person while their parents have moved on, got married and had more children that got to live a life they didn’t. It’s not right. But America couldn’t care less about the true essence of family and this is why Americans are the most horrible parents on the planet. We don’t care if our children have loving parents otherwise we would choose better partners. We don’t care if our children have opportunities, otherwise we would wait to have them until our situations are better. We don’t value the institution of marriage and allow anyone to enter our children’s lives and leave them scarred for life when the relationship is over. I know that things happen, but unfortunately the child receives the blunt end of the stick and this is why it is so important that two people have love and respect for each other when they have a child so that they continue to raise that child even when they fall apart. Stop having children with people who don’t want you or your child.
I sound angry because I am angry. I am angry for all of those children who have to grow up hopeless and feeling abandoned because of decisions their parents made. Not everyone cares to be on this earth suffering in pain daily missing a life that was never meant for them to have. People need to make better choices. It sickens me when I see children poorly taken care of by parents who should require a license to birth. It sickens me that that child has to grow up in a disruptive and dysfunctional home all because of the scumbags who laid down to have them. All I can say to those children is may God bless their weary souls and have their backs tenfold.