Do NOT Touch My Hair!

donttouchmyhair

Why not?! I truly believe natural black women have taken this stance way too far! When I hear black women with this attitude, I don’t feel like they are preserving their blackness, instead they are making it appear that their hair is better than someone else’s. What makes your hair more untouchable than the next persons? People want to touch you hair because they like it or really just like hair. Me, myself am a hair fanatic! To the freaking core, do you hear me! I love hair, all kinds of hair, different textures, lengths, colors and styles…all of it. I am simply infatuated with hair and always have been. There are times when I see someone with a really neat hair style that I feel compelled to investigate. I don’t desire to ask about their hair because of their race or ethnicity or what their hair style may represent, I am simply intrigued by it and want to know how it feels and/or how they accomplished their look! I had a male coworker who always wore the most awesome frohawks, or whatever style it is called when the front bang has a lot of height and volume. Every time he switched up gels and pomades to achieve his look, I touched it to see whether it was crunchy, sticky or a product that I may want to try (I was rocking the Halle Berry pixie cut at the time). Of course I asked permission to touch his hair, then I would proceed to pet him, chat about it and move on with my day. He actually enjoyed having his head rubbed, no pun intended. Sometimes I’m drawn to people’s hair who have styles and textures that I simply cannot achieve. It’s gorgeous to me! It doesn’t mean I secretly hate their hair or am jealous over it, I just like it! Feeling the urge to touch someone’s hair is no different than seeing a wool sweater in a store and trying it on to see if it’s soft or scratchy and whether or not you need to wear a cami underneath it. That is all, nothing more and nothing less!

People ask to touch my hair all the time and I say go for it! In fact, I enjoy it. I enjoy the compliment, the positive interaction and the opportunity to exchange hair talk. My man tells me all the time that I was blessed with beautiful hair and it’s a nice trait that I have. Plus, people kindly remind me every day that not everybody has hair like the JuFro (please note this is not a derogatory term and has absolutely nothing to do with the Jewish culture, it is my hair’s name, thank you, and yes, she has a name). I have not felt negative stereotypes being a black woman with my natural hair, but admit there are a very few select people who look at me awkward when I am wearing my Pam Grier afro. Other than that, I am showered with compliments on a daily basis. My former boss and another coworker joked with me on two separate occasions that their daughters want hair like mine and were upset that they couldn’t get their hair to curl; they were white. I wasn’t offended or thought they were being racist, it was hysterical! Especially after hearing their stories of how they tried to explain to their daughters why it’s not possible. I think one of the problems is most black women hate their own hair so much that they assume others do too, but I digress… Everywhere I go, my hair winds up being the main topic of conversation, and not by my choice, just from other people’s observations. I find myself in so many hair conversations that I made a group on Facebook. People think I started talking about my hair when I went natural, but that is not the case. This is not new for me. I was that child who would have a full blown temper tantrum and not go to school if my hair was not done and frizz was under control. Whether my hair was straight or relaxed, long or short, curly or in a thick afro, my hair has been in the spotlight. When it was long people wanted to touch it, when it was short and colored with a tapered neckline, people wanted to touch it and when I went natural people really wanted to touch it. I realize that black hair is different from most people on the entire planet earth. So why are we so alarmed that people are intrigued by it? They are not secretly hating your hair by taking the time to touch your hair, they are in awe of it. And not to be too harsh, but they are probably shocked to see a black woman wearing her own hair! I mean let’s be real. The moment we stop acting like our own hair is an anomaly, will be the moment it is more widely accepted, just my opinion anyway.

Of course those people who are rude and feel entitled to grope your hair need to have several seats, but that’s their problem, not yours. Don’t allow a few rude people who do not know how to keep their hands to themselves make you become some hair snob. I’d imagine this is how pregnant women feel. People love a big, beautiful baby bump and want to rub it up and down and all around. It’s amazing and the symbol of life. Some women couldn’t care less if you touched their belly while other women wouldn’t want you to touch them with a stick. However, I would think that pregnant women appreciate people asking them versus violating their privacy. And in turn it’s okay if she says no. It’s her prerogative and she should not be judged! I just say all of this to say, stop taking yourself and your hair so seriously when people want to touch your kinky, curly, coiled, thick, luscious, exotic looking locks. It is truly not that deep and you seriously need to get over yourself and accept the compliment and give them a friendly hair flip. Yea, I said it. Bite me.

#bfryspeaks

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9 Discussion to this post

  1. Murriano says:

    I don’t know what details I thought I was going to read when I read this blog, but I will say once I realized it was about the love of touching hair on other peoples head I got a big giggle.. It never would have occurred to me this was such a passionate subject.. (as I say that with a true inner giggle but with all respect and seriousness). With that said, it was interesting to me that before I read your blog, I was already saying to myself in these exact words…I Love Her Blackness… I even briefly thought to message those exact words…Therefore to see that you used that exact phrase in your own words easily lead me to one conclusion…

    • BFrySpeaks says:

      Your comment made me laugh too! You’d be surprised how serious women take our appearance in general. It comes as no surprise though as women tend to be held to higher standards of beauty by our society. After being natural for two years, I have just found this topic very interesting. To me it’s no different than someone asking the texture of my dress or asking where I got my shoes from. I’m sure this conversation doesn’t happen amongst men too much, but I hope you get my drift. It’s just not that deep to me, but I learned today that some people simply do not like to be touched regardless. They also think it’s weird for strangers to touch them and that’s totally their prerogatives. I just wanted to gain some insight. And yes I am pro-black and stand for black people. However, just because I am pro-black does not mean I am non-black. I am careful to not hate other races in my mission to uplift and empower my own. That will get us no where, plus I invite all perspectives to my blog. I truly appreciate your compliments and your visit to my page. Thank you for adding to the discussion and POSTING A COMMENT! Much appreciated sir!

      • Murriano says:

        You have some unbelievable quotables in your blog, I appreciate the articulation..”then I would proceed to pet him, chat about it and move on with my day” “The moment we stop acting like our own hair is an anomaly, will be the moment it is more widely accepted, just my opinion anyway “Other than that, I am showered with compliments on a daily basis.” ” It is truly not that deep and you seriously need to get over yourself and accept the compliment and give them a friendly hair flip”…

        On another note the reason I love for woman to wear their hair natural is because I feel God made them beautifully, and its disheartening when I see some one doesn’t recognize their own beauty… I wouldn’t mind how a woman wore her hair as long as she know she is apart of the energy of the most high Beauty of all…
        Ofcourse you would be pro black but not against any other races, seeing as all races come from the natural beautiful black woman…

        Aswell I get the comparison to fabric and wanting to feel texture…But what is funny to me is before this conversation I would say I agree…I think a woman should allow her hair touched….(Here comes the boom) Touched in a tuggy romantic situation…I never before to day pondered someone was having the same wants as a joyful hobby…

        But I can truly see you just see the beauty in it…There is a freedom in your openness to interact with the beauty as your eyes account it…Hair is truly an amazing gift when you think of how it protects us and allows us to change our exterior appearance into as many creative ways as the person can think of….

        I think these feelings of openness are accompanied with and inner self feeling of love and a desire to keep expanding… I enjoyed this blog,,, tho it was a walk on the other side for me lol but I think it was very empowering…minus the last six words …tho I overstand why u gave it that funk…

        One thing I would always remember if I was you is….for the most part if most woman felt loved like you and looked like you….We would not be addressing this subject…everyone would be to busy petting someones head…

        • BFrySpeaks says:

          Haha, I found someone who likes to talk and write just as much as I do! I love it! Keep it coming! So I will respond to your post in the order they were written:

          Thank you for noticing that! I truly feel like the messenger in terms of my writing. Sometimes things come to me and I simply relay the message. In a few blog posts I have gone back to italicize something I thought was quote or meme worthy. Nice to know I was not alone in my thinking! 🙂

          I couldn’t agree with you more regarding your beauty statements. I truly do think there is a sense of beauty in all women and it is up to them to capture it and express it in the most beautiful way. It is also necessary to understand that we don’t all possess the same beautiful traits, otherwise we would all look the same. I will be happy when women are okay with themselves as well. And it makes me feel better to hear those women who do prefer alternate hair styles still care for their own hair and find it beautiful as well. Our hair is just so unique and frustrating and artful all at the same time.

          LOL to your 3rd paragraph! I mean I guess it just depends on what you are into. Some men are hair people and some women like to be shown affection via their hair. But yes there are people who just love hair and I so happen to be one of them!

          Precisely! I get so annoyed with the whole “it’s just hair!” mantra! Well while I agree that it is absolutely hair comprised of keratin and dead skin, like you suggested, it has the power to alter our appearance. And not just alter our appearance, but it can determine your profession, your health, your level of hygiene, your ingenuity and creativity and sometimes your age! So to me it is much more than hair, my JuFro is my crown 🙂

          And yes I have grown to find comfort in my own skin, but let me tell you the journey was not easy! I was once considered an ugly duckling where only old people thought I was attractive and cute. It wasn’t until I realized that I’m not perfect and need to accept myself that I became more comfortable. I find comfort in the idea that I did not have to be this perfect being. I didn’t have to have the most perfect face, the most perfect hair, the most perfect body and the most perfect features. I was simply perfectly imperfect the way I am! I think too many women are obsessed with perfectionism and have a hard time accepting that they may not have the perfect curl pattern or the most perfect hair texture. I say this all the time, not every white girl has hair like Jennifer Aniston and not every black girl can rock the most perfect fro like Pam Grier! I have several flaws and I am learning to deal with them. I never truly found beauty in myself until people kept telling me how beautiful they thought I was! That’s a problem in itself! Once I determined my level of beauty was when I found true inner peace and happiness. Everything else fell into place!

          I truly enjoy your dialogue! I hope to see your comments on other blog posts! Thanks so much!

          • Murriano says:

            YES YES Haha, I found someone who likes to talk and write just as much as I do! I love it! Keep it coming! So I will respond to your post in the order they were written aswell:

            From the moment I merged in this atmosphere, you were not alone in your thinking…I know this to be true because you keep quoting words that flow with regularity in my mind…I can understand what its like to feel like a messenger and allow your self to be the vessel that translates your inspiration into words… That’s an awesome ability..You carry the torch of the light bearers…I appreciate you colliding with your purpose and responsibility..

            Im glad you agree…Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but God is Love and Love is beautiful…so all of life is one big eyeful of candy to behold…Its so beautiful you can not notice now and notice later…The beauty is always right before us…
            any time one doesn’t notice the beauty its a great indicator to remember reasons to love ones self more…but even in the process ….is the beauty..

            LoL to your LoL about the 3rd paragraph…I.J.S

            People who say its just hair have no awakened consciousness about the way our creator crafted our existence in such genius and allowed us to perform our genius in the same creative ways…Hair is the reasons alotta crimes are solved, the way we describe strangers, raises self esteem and peer appreciation…like you said it can determine health and profession…etc…hair has purposes from deep all the way to shallow…
            “Jufro the Crown I wanna get a live interview..Please get with your reps and see if we can get the interview approved” the people feels like Jufro has a lot to say lol

            As far as u needing to realize you wasn’t perfect to see your true perfection I can feel that, and I appreciate you sharing that, as well and I commend you on your elevation… I will say that yes your flaws may seem what makes you imperfectly perfect but your flaws never made you imperfect… You were always actually perfect…It was the world around you that did not remember its own perfection…See whats the difference from your God energy and my God energy.. There is no difference because its only one God energy and that God energy created us all…That God energy is perfect…The difference comes in our inner G lol… When we remember and become a companion with our inner G we will feel our awesome eternal perfection…You have the perfect face, the most perfect hair, the most perfect body an the most perfect features…Yes you do….The perfect you is always there… To Be or Not is a state of mind…mostly affected by what we put our attention on..yes your imperfection…precisely is what breeds even elevated levels of your perfection… Like you said at the end, “once I determined my level of beauty was when I found inner peace and happiness and everything feel into place” Those are words of some one who seeked and found… Self discovery and self mastery…Yes you are a true testimony and a necessary force to shine your light for the world to see…We need you….Don’t ever second guess that feeling in your gut that propels you to deliver messages to others…You are important..

            I truly enjoy your dialogue…Thanks so much
            BLACK GIRLS ROCK

  2. Nilaja says:

    I am with you. I could care less if someone asks to touch my hair. I actually hate when people are like, “I want to ask you something but I don’t want to offend you but can I touch your hair?” That tells me somewhere, somehow this person has got the feeling that it is not okay to ask touch someone’s hair. Otherwise they would just ask. So where does that come from? Is it the norm for people not to like to be touched? Or maybe it’s just the people in his/her circle that have made it unacceptable. Either way…I love for people to be intrigued enough to want to touch my hair. It means I’m doing something right in my opinion.

    • BFrySpeaks says:

      I agree with you Nini! In my opinion it is a form of a compliment. I wouldn’t want to touch something I was not interested in. And I guess I can mildly answer your questions from responses today. It can come from a few places; people interacted with someone who doesn’t like to be touched, or met someone who doesn’t like a certain type of people to ask to touch their hair. I guess it’s just not that deep to me but I won’t belittle or disrespect other people’s feelings. I’m not really touchy feely and don’t like to be called pet names by people who really don’t know me like sweetie etc. Someone else may tell me I need to be nicer. But I’m with you when you’re right. It’s a compliment and I accept it as such and clearly I styled my hair in a way that drew their positive attention. Also you bring up another excellent point. What other creed of people can sculpt their hair like black women, especially natural black women? We can practically wear our hair in any style we choose and it is spectacular, creative and deserves several rounds of applause especially after all the work that was put into it. So no different than when I think I have put on great makeup and people compliment me and ask where I got it from, what brand it is and how I did it, I take it as a compliment like yourself and think to myself, by golly I’m fly today! LOL! Thanks baby mama! I love the dialogue! *muah*

  3. Jennifer C says:

    Such a good read!! I myself wear hair pieces until I’m comfortable going out in public with my natural hair. My 7 year old had natural curly hair and I braid her hair in different styles and people all the time would ask wherever she goes if they can touch it and I would get offended. We live In Bloomington, Indiana and she has had several issues with kids taunting her because of her hairstyle and I have had to make her aware that her hair is beautiful. When people ask to touch her hair, I take it as a compliment and I want her to love her hair and know that it is different but it’s special and unique.

    • BFrySpeaks says:

      Awwww this post truly touched my heart. This is the reason I blog. To share with the world and uplift our women! I have a few things to say!!!
      1) First of all thank you for checking out my blog and leaving a comment. Thank you for your kind words!
      2) Please please please understand that confidence first comes from within and then it is illuminated throughout. Do whatever you need to in order to feel comfortable, but just remember you are fine just the way you are “imperfectly perfect.” You were meant to have whatever hair you have going on and you rock it and own it because it’s yours and no one else on earth has it.
      3) My girlfriend tells me all the time that the Midwest is eons behind when it comes to culture and acceptance. Please tell your daughter something my mother shared with me, “No one can do anything to you that you allow them to.” So if you don’t allow someone’s words to be offensive, they won’t be. Even if it does hurt, they don’t have to know it. Don’t give people’s ignorance power or else they will know that is her trigger spot and keep coming back for more. Tell her to embrace her crown and wear it proudly. And anytime someone has something to say, she should respond with much confidence like,”THANK YOU! I appreciate your compliments on my hairstyle, I like it too.” And I agree with you it is definitely a compliment and I love the fact that you are teaching her self-love. It is so important that our young girls learn at a very early age to first define themselves before the world does or they may find themselves lost in translation. I enjoyed your post!!! 🙂

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